Expert View: Letting Go of the Need to Fix Everything

Choosing acceptance over constant problem-solving

Fog of Mind is a space for conversation, reflection, and perspective. It is for people who carry a lot, think a lot, and want to create a bit more headspace in a world that rarely slows down. Today’s Wednesday Wisdom is about picking your battles, and letting some of them go. Poor mental health is ubiquitous, together we can change that.

When I left the military, I carried a mindset that worked brilliantly in uniform and badly everywhere else. I wanted to work quickly and fix everything. Business processes. Broken systems. Team issues. If something was wrong, I felt responsible for making it right. I soon realised that not everyone works at the speed of the military.

At first, that looks like competence. It can even look like leadership.

But it is also a fast route to exhaustion.

The hidden mental health cost of fixing

The problem is not caring. The problem is trying to care about everything, all at once.

Spinning too many plates is tiring. Persisting with that habit, especially when life is already full, can lead to burnout. Many of you will relate to wearing too many hats. In one role, I wore four. The workload itself did not finish me off.

The toxic dynamic did.

I found myself in a lose-lose situation inside the team structure. Over time, the job became less about doing good work and more about managing the emotional weather of the place. I eventually resigned. I was offered a 15 percent pay rise and a promotion to director.

I still walked.

Because I knew something important that is easy to ignore when money is on the table, all the money in the world cannot fix an untenable situation, especially one rooted in toxicity.

People, planet, profit. A good leader will priortise the people, becuase they will make a difference to planet and profit. A company with a high attrition rate should send alarm bells ringing.

A problem for every solution

On top of the wider dynamic, I had a subordinate who drained the life out of me. You might know the type. You offer a solution and they hand you a new problem. You create clarity and they bring fog. Eventually, you start to feel tired before the conversation has even begun.

Those were battles I no longer wanted to fight.

When your rice bowl is full

Have you heard the phrase, “my rice bowl is full?” It fits.

I had the ear of many employees. People wanted to vent to me. Office politics has its own gravity, and if you are approachable, it pulls hard. I was never one to send people packing. I listened. I absorbed. I carried it.

Each conversation added another scoop to the bowl.

And I did not have enough outlets. No proper release valve. No routine that helped me reset. The situation practically made the decision for me. I walked away from what should have been the best job I ever had.

The lesson I wish I’d taken sooner

You must identify what is eating your reserves before it is too late.

Not when you are already snappy, flat, and resentful. Not when your sleep has gone strange and your patience has disappeared. Not when you are “coping” but only just.

Earlier.

Because your most effective mental health safety mechanism is not a slogan. It is your actions.

A simple battle check you can use today

Try this quick filter. It is not perfect, but it is practical.

1) Is this my responsibility?
If it is not yours, it is not yours. Caring does not make it your job.

2) Is this within my control?
If it is outside your control, decide what acceptance looks like, then move on.

3) Is this worth the cost?
Some battles cost you sleep, peace, and relationships. Ask yourself what you are paying.

4) Can I delegate it, delay it, or drop it?
Delegate if someone else can own it. Delay if it can wait. Drop it if it is just noise.

Build outlets before you need them

If you are the fixer, you need outlets on purpose, not as an emergency response.

Outlets can be simple:

• A walk without your phone
• A gym session that clears your head
• Photography, writing, music, making something
• A weekly call with someone who steadies you
• A boundary that protects your evenings

You do not need a complete life overhaul. You need small, consistent exits from the pressure.

One question to sit with

What are you trying to fix right now that is quietly draining you?

Write it down. Name it. Decide whether it is a battle you are choosing, or one you have just inherited through habit.

If you want to talk it through, Fog of Mind exists for that. A calm conversation. A bit of perspective. A plan that protects your headspace.

Help someone find headspace. Share this.

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